Joyful

Life is so good when you can choose to be happy. I always thought happy was a choice, and for most people it is, but for some it is not. It has been an up hill battle for me to feel the way I use too. I am not sure I fully understood how, with depression, you really have no choice how you feel. I tried so hard to feel happy and enjoy myself to no avail.
It is so good to enjoy what my kids are doing. To interact with them and share in the fun. I can truly say I am not only happy inside but joyful. Happy is when you have something good happen and enjoy it. Joyful is when, no matter what is going on you are happy inside. I can say I am joyful, when the kids are screaming, when everything is going bad, I am joyful. I may not be very happy about what is going on but I have peace in my heart, peace in my choices
Things are really coming together again and I am excited for each day. I can get out of bed in the morning and be cheerful to do so. I am grateful for my trials, they make me stronger, they stretch my soul and my compassion and understanding for others.  May we all smile a little brighter that we may lift someone else's spirit to new heights, lift their burdens.

Old Dresses

When I was little my Mom would let us try on her old dresses, prom, wedding, etc. It was so much fun to put them on I decided I wanted to do that with my daughters. I was blessed with two beautiful boys, whom I love so dearly, but they will never be playing dress up with my dresses.
I finally gave up on the hope that I would have a daughter and I took the plunge. I gave all my dresses (except my wedding dress) and gave them to charity. It is really nice to feel like I have let go and so nice to have the room in my closet.

Keeping Quite

I have a bad habit. I love to talk, I love to try and make others feel comfortable but when I am a little nervous or getting to know new people my mouth runs like crazy, I interrupt a lot, and I don't listen well. I really am trying to work on this. Once upon a time, I was such a good listener. I use to listen so well that people started to tell me they didn't know me very well at all. Not sure why I do the polar opposites of things but I do. Some day, in the near future I hope, I will be a happy medium. haha

I am sure it is annoying to people I talk to but I can't help but laugh at myself. I know we all have bad qualities and we all have things to work on but I always wonder when I walk away- Did I annoy the crap out of them? When they see me will they run in the opposite direction in the hopes that they don't have to listen to me blabber on and on.

I have been tempted at times to carry tape with me. When I can't shut up, yank it out and tape my mouth. I realize that might look a little strange and may be worse than my endless chatter so I have refrained from doing it but I would get such a good laugh out of it. Tempting, very tempting.