Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations

"Why don’t we go all the way with the Lord—not part way? Why don’t we sacrifice all of our sins—not some of them?

She was a young girl. She had sacrificed her worldly plans to spend long, tedious hours at work in order to provide for and raise her younger orphan brother, but now she lay on her bed dying of a sickness.

She called her bishop, and as she talked to him in her last moments he held her rough, hard, work-calloused hand in his. Then she asked the question, “How will God know that I am His?”

Gently he raised her wrist and answered, “Show Him your hands.”

Some day we may see that pair of hands that sacrificed so much for us. Are our hands clean, and do they show the signs of being in His service? Are our hearts pure and filled with His thoughts?" ~ Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations

By President Ezra Taft Benson

 

 Full article: http://www.lds.org/ensign/1988/12/jesus-christ-gifts-and-expectations?lang=eng

The bible tells us to be like him. We also all know that our works are not what allows us to be resurrected and return to our Father in Heaven but that Jesus' perfect example and sacrifice is what allows us to return to our Father in Heavens presence. We are also told:

 'For God shall bring every ^awork into ^bjudgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.' ~Eccl. 12:14 

Similar can also be found in Matt. 16:27

I also love this one 'be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only', James 1:22

 

 So our works on earth do matter. We will be judged on the things of our hearts, whether we strive for good or evil.

 

Just Happy

Wow, I cannot express enough how nice it is to have my mind back. To feel so happy inside!! It is so wonderful to enjoy life again. I am feeling more love for those around me again. I am not feeling trapped in my own body anymore! Getting back into the swing of things is harder than I would like but I am on my way there.
I have a great family that stands by me through all the hard times, especially my amazing spouse. He truly shows people what dedication and commitment are really about. I could not have asked for a better companion. I am also so grateful for my neighbors and the support they have given me in my times of need and I have started some great friendships I hope can last.
I am most grateful for my Savior and his never wavering love for me. Without him and the Gospel of Jesus Christ I would not be the same. Reading my scriptures has helped me move forward in better ways and is one of the only reasons I survived these last few years. I love my Savior so much and I hope I can show him how much I love him and am grateful for all he has done for me.

Joyful

Life is so good when you can choose to be happy. I always thought happy was a choice, and for most people it is, but for some it is not. It has been an up hill battle for me to feel the way I use too. I am not sure I fully understood how, with depression, you really have no choice how you feel. I tried so hard to feel happy and enjoy myself to no avail.
It is so good to enjoy what my kids are doing. To interact with them and share in the fun. I can truly say I am not only happy inside but joyful. Happy is when you have something good happen and enjoy it. Joyful is when, no matter what is going on you are happy inside. I can say I am joyful, when the kids are screaming, when everything is going bad, I am joyful. I may not be very happy about what is going on but I have peace in my heart, peace in my choices
Things are really coming together again and I am excited for each day. I can get out of bed in the morning and be cheerful to do so. I am grateful for my trials, they make me stronger, they stretch my soul and my compassion and understanding for others.  May we all smile a little brighter that we may lift someone else's spirit to new heights, lift their burdens.

Old Dresses

When I was little my Mom would let us try on her old dresses, prom, wedding, etc. It was so much fun to put them on I decided I wanted to do that with my daughters. I was blessed with two beautiful boys, whom I love so dearly, but they will never be playing dress up with my dresses.
I finally gave up on the hope that I would have a daughter and I took the plunge. I gave all my dresses (except my wedding dress) and gave them to charity. It is really nice to feel like I have let go and so nice to have the room in my closet.

Keeping Quite

I have a bad habit. I love to talk, I love to try and make others feel comfortable but when I am a little nervous or getting to know new people my mouth runs like crazy, I interrupt a lot, and I don't listen well. I really am trying to work on this. Once upon a time, I was such a good listener. I use to listen so well that people started to tell me they didn't know me very well at all. Not sure why I do the polar opposites of things but I do. Some day, in the near future I hope, I will be a happy medium. haha

I am sure it is annoying to people I talk to but I can't help but laugh at myself. I know we all have bad qualities and we all have things to work on but I always wonder when I walk away- Did I annoy the crap out of them? When they see me will they run in the opposite direction in the hopes that they don't have to listen to me blabber on and on.

I have been tempted at times to carry tape with me. When I can't shut up, yank it out and tape my mouth. I realize that might look a little strange and may be worse than my endless chatter so I have refrained from doing it but I would get such a good laugh out of it. Tempting, very tempting.

Fitting In

So, I am not one of those extremely girlie girls and while I find nothing wrong with them, I am just not one of them. I don't enjoy doing my hair for hours, I have never had a manicure or pedicure and have no desire to do so. So how does a married girl like me fit in with a crowd of women who want to do each others hair, paint nails, scrapbook, go shopping, sew perhaps. All things I really do not enjoy doing.

Things I do enjoy. Building-framing, electrical, tile work, cutting wood- ya know, making something with my hands. I have discovered that I love gardening. I actually find it relaxing to weed. Camping, backpacking...Most of these things I don't get much chance to do with little ones around.

Luckily for me my husband is my best friend. I know he loves me despite all my down falls. But a girl still needs a really good friend and I hope I can find that one person who really fits me and loves me just the way I am.

My Garden

I feel as though my yard, gardens, and trees reflect the state in which my life is at. These last two years have been rough but I managed to keep everything alive. The wear is apparent but the will to grow is still there. I am hoping that I will be able to make real improvements to my gardens and my soul in the coming months and years and hopefully be able to reflect renewed life in myself and well as my yard.

It has left me to ponder the state in which we see others. Are we quick to judge them based upon what we see from the outside, or do we look closer and see the soul, the underlying growth and potential they have. Do we tend and mend to them and try to find the cause of their wilted leaves, withering branches, diseases, and hurt? Do we mock those that would try to help repair the hurt?
I have seen it, I have done it, though I think that I tend to be more on the positive side and look for the best in others, I still find myself falling for the trap of judgement.
Well, I slap my hand right now, Knock it off I tell myself. Look for the good, reach out to those who are reaching to you. Nothing feels better.

Trials

Elder Richard G. Scott said: “Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Proverbs 3:11–12). I just wanted to add this because this has a lot of meaning for me at this time. So grateful to have my little family and their love. Grateful to all the wonderful people who have reach out to me in my time of need and made my burden lighter.

Baby Step

I have curbed the postpartum, hallelujah! This was certainly one of my hardest trials as I couldn't control my feelings. Which is really really frustrating. For me at least!!

I have been having tingling in my toes and fingers since Jan. I went to see a Neurologist and at this point they are not worried. Today, it was worse as my hands and feet actually were feeling numb instead of tingly but I could still feel them and things so I guess that is good.

This year has been so tough with the sick pregnancy, the colicky baby, postpartum depression, finding my oldest to be allergic to some bug that causes his body to swell really badly(almost the worst case the specialist had seen) and allergic to sunscreen, a baby with double ear infections at a time, some other things...sigh. Sometimes I am amazed that people can keep pushing on, have a will to do anything but we do. We move forward, lots of times with a smile. I can honestly say of all the things to have I am so so grateful to be able to smile, to feel good inside despite trouble. To be able to play with my children and not just do it to make sure they know I love them, to actually be able to enjoy playing with them! There is nothing better than to be able to concentrate on what my child is telling me and be able to communicate back to him and help him feel what he is saying is so important to me. Because it truly is important to me and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't listen to a conversation for more than a minute (and let me tell you this kid can talk and he tells long long long stories(I am pretty sure he gets that from me!)).

What we will do in the future, I have no idea but for the first time in many months it looks bright and nice.

Journey to a new me

It seems that after each pregnancy, I have very bad postpartum depression. The longer sunny days, more sleep, etc seem to be helping to curb that with a few bad days in there. I have been sitting at a constant blah for some time now. With some days seeming great and other so terrible. Today started out to be a pretty blah day. Tired and grumpy at the kids and still sick, I was sure to be heading down the lost and trapped road. Once the baby was finally willing to go down for a nap, I had some time with my older child.

 I didn't want to do much of anything as he begged me to play with him. I finally got myself to break out the scriptures. Surges of comfort went through my body as I read them aloud to him, while he played with his toys. Peace of mind, feels of having someone with me...It has been a while for me. I have tried several times to get this going more often but the last few days with my husband have been the most successful. We have actually been reading each night. It is a feeling I would like to keep going, have grow stronger. I use to have this constant, strong testimony. I knew who I was, I knew Heavenly Father and I knew he loved me. At some point I stopped searching and trying. It left a hole in me that I didn't even know I had allowed to be formed. At this point it seems huge. For a while it seemed unmendable. I no longer feel trapped in the pit of despair-Princess Bride anyone. :)

I hope that I can keep this up, keep the feelings I have, and find my way to being a better person, better me and a better daughter of God.