It seems that after each pregnancy, I have very bad postpartum depression. The longer sunny days, more sleep, etc seem to be helping to curb that with a few bad days in there. I have been sitting at a constant blah for some time now. With some days seeming great and other so terrible. Today started out to be a pretty blah day. Tired and grumpy at the kids and still sick, I was sure to be heading down the lost and trapped road. Once the baby was finally willing to go down for a nap, I had some time with my older child.
I didn't want to do much of anything as he begged me to play with him. I finally got myself to break out the scriptures. Surges of comfort went through my body as I read them aloud to him, while he played with his toys. Peace of mind, feels of having someone with me...It has been a while for me. I have tried several times to get this going more often but the last few days with my husband have been the most successful. We have actually been reading each night. It is a feeling I would like to keep going, have grow stronger. I use to have this constant, strong testimony. I knew who I was, I knew Heavenly Father and I knew he loved me. At some point I stopped searching and trying. It left a hole in me that I didn't even know I had allowed to be formed. At this point it seems huge. For a while it seemed unmendable. I no longer feel trapped in the pit of despair-Princess Bride anyone. :)
I hope that I can keep this up, keep the feelings I have, and find my way to being a better person, better me and a better daughter of God.
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