Postpartum Depression

Postpartum Depression, how many think this is a real problem. I never imagined growing up that I would have to deal with such a thing. I had had sad moments in my life, very sad in fact but never a sadness that I couldn't just think of something nice and have it go away or be able to look at the bright side of things. This is not the easiest thing for me to talk about because I would love to just ignore it and get on with my life. Unfortunately it isn't listening to me.

This first happened to me when I was married. I got on some birth control and it really messed with my hormones. I became paranoid that everyone was looking at me, seeing how ugly and imperfect I was, that they were all seeing every flaw I had ever had. I was scared to make the simplest phone calls because I may sound or look stupid to them. What if I didn't know the answer to something they asked. I was lashing out at people at work but none of them seemed to notice a real problem. I was becoming shy and quite and scared to go to any kind of get together where I may find myself sitting alone. I was no longer the life of the party. Many people believed I had changed because of the marriage but it most definitely was not me becoming 'settled down'.

My husband took the real brunt of all of this. I would come home, to a very hot home, my work clothes would be thrown every where and he would find me in the same place everyday. On the computer playing games. I don't remember much of those first 2 years of our marriage. I am sure he remembers more then he would like too. But he loved me and he endured the best he could. Most of the effects of the depression wore off but I had trouble shaking it. My desire to have children helped me remain in that depressed stated for quite some time. I would say about 5 years of not feeling normal.

It took us 7 years to have our first child but that may get discussed at another time.

With my second child I definitely started having postpartum depression. I didn't feel any real connection to my baby and was more then willing to leave him with whom ever wanted him. I felt like I had lost my bond with my first as I had to care for the second and leave the first to fend for himself. My second was also super colicky and with both kids getting up in the night I was averaging maybe 4 hours of sleep each night. One day I snapped and I just started crying. Now I must tell you, I have always been a crier and a good cry always did the trick for me. Cry for a few minutes and then feel much better. Well this crying, it wouldn't stop. It had to be nearly an hour before I called my husband for help. I have had about 3 really bad days like that since my second was born. My husband has been fantastic through all of this and has been the greatest strength in my life. He puts up with a lot from me and I know that if he can go through what he has with me that we will be able to withstand all the trials that will be coming our way.

If someone you know begins to act differently then they use to maybe ask them if there is anything you can help them with or anything they need. If they have started having any kind of depression they most likely will never reach out for help. Fear seems to be very dominant with depression-at least for me.